Growing up in Missouri

Oh look, local color. I'm going to delete a few that aren't funny, (or even less funny) so that's why the numbers don't line up.

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1. You've never met any celebrities.

(Well, met is a relative term. Several of us saw John Malkovich in a hotel)

2. Everyone you know has been on a "Float Trip,"

(Everyone but Robyn, who is allergic to the outdoors)

3. "Vacation" means driving to Silver Dollar City, Worlds of Fun or Six
Flags.

5. You measure distance in minutes rather than miles. For example,
"Well, Hannibal is only 40 minutes away."

6. Down south to you means Springfield or Branson .

7. The phrase "I'm going to the Lake this weekend" only means one thing.

8. You know several people who have hit a deer.

10. Your school classes were canceled because of cold.

11. You know what "Party Cove" is.

12. Your school classes were canceled because of heat.

13. You instinctively ask someone you've just met, "What High School did
you go to?"

14. You've had to switch from "heat" to "A/C" in the same day.

16. You know what's knee-high by the Fourth of July.

17. You see people wear bib overalls at funerals.

(My grandpa was buried in bib overalls. Hey, comfort first)

20. You end your sentences with an unnecessary preposition.

Example: "Where's my coat at?"

21. All the festivals across the state are named after a fruit,
vegetable, season or grain.

22. You install security lights on your house and garage and leave both
unlocked.

23. You think of the major four food groups as beef, pork, beer, and
Jell-O salad with marshmallows.

24. You carry jumper cables in your car and know that everyone else
should.

25. You went to skating parties as a kid.

27. You design your kid's Halloween costume to fit over a snowsuit.

29. The local paper covers national and international headlines on
one page, but requires six pages for sports.

30. You think I-44 is spelled and pronounced "farty-far." (St. Louis
only.)

31. You'll pay for your kids to go to college unless they want to go to
KU.

33. You know that Concordia is halfway between Kansas City and
Columbia, and Columbia is halfway between St. Louis and Kansas
City, and the Warrenton Outlet Mall is halfway between Columbia and St.
Louis.

34. You can't think of anything better than sitting on the porch in the
middle of the summer during a thunderstorm.

35. You know which leaves make good toilet paper.

36. You've said, "it's not the heat, it's the humidity."

37. You know all four seasons: Almost Summer, Summer, Still Summer
and COLD.

38. You know if another Missourian is from the Boot-heel, Ozarks,
Eastern, Middle or Western Missouri soon as they open their mouth.

39. You know that Harry S Truman, Walt Disney and Mark Twain are all from
Missouri.

41. You think a traffic jam is ten cars waiting to pass a tractor.

42. You know what "HOME OF THE THROWED ROLL" means.