Chromatic Chimera

I've had a busy couple of days. Friday I hung lights for a show 9 - 4, then got sushi for dinner with Robyn, Mike and Donald. Then I ran a performance of Everyman. Today, I went to light focus for a Rep show from 9 - 5:30, then grabbed dinner and ran a performance of Everyman.

It was the first Rep focus of the year. The designer has been there several times before, so she knows most of us well enough to chat, which led to the inevitable question of "What are you up to?" I hate that question. Every time I get it I feel like a huge fucking loser. What am I up to? Not damn much. I went through 3 extra years of school to "enter the field at the highest level of experience" and now I'm... running the light board for the most amateur production I've been involved in in a long time. It seems that people expect me to make something of myself. I hate telling people I'm not doing anything. I also hate not doing anything, because I KNOW I'm going to forget the small amount of AutoCAD that I know without using it, not to mention the even smaller amount of Vectorworks. I also feel insanely jealous whenever somebody talks about a job, even if I don't want it. Argh! I'm in a weird lull. I'll be plenty busy in January, but until then I have very little to do other than feel like a giant loser with no friggin work.